finding love in the most unexpected places.

Every young girl has dreams of falling in love. We picture our handsome husband, perfect wedding, amazing wedding dress. Most of us know as we get older, our ideas about what 'handsome', 'perfect' and 'amazing' are change somewhat. Things become more practical, more logical. Instead of family and babies, we think about careers, money, stability.

Today, I found a new love. At Godfreys.

I'd been putting it off for years, my old vacuum used to be excellent, and I kept believing it would make a comeback. I was incredibly defensive when a housemate would suggest we borrow someone else's vacuum. I'd offer to lend it to people and be offended when they declined.

But today, we had our last fight. I put her in the car and made the drive.

I knew when I saw my new love, she was the one. Champagne body, clear tube, small swivel head. No more fights with filters or coat-hangers.

It wasn't the love I'd dreamed of as a little girl, but it was real.

Today I learnt to let go of the things in my life that are broken, but I stubbornly keep believing in:

The set-top box in my linen cupboard that doesn't turn on.

The toaster in the garage with the switch that needs to be held in place.

The beautiful cream couch that is now grey.

The rubbish bin with the broken lid.

Who am I kidding? I just spend $300 of my tax return on a vacuum.

One of the boys can buy a bin.

Why Stupid People Make Me A Bad Person

Firstly, I should clarify what I mean by 'stupid'. I'm talking about those people you meet who are so arrogantly ignorant as to social skills, or any real perception of their place in society. Now that I'm a student again, I'm finding these people everywhere. In my class, in the cafeteria, on the trains to and fro.

The real problem isn't these people, though. They're fine with their ignorance. They find themselves highly intelligent, highly amusing people and they dont realise, or particularly care no-one else does. The problem here is the monster I turn into when left in close quarters with these people.

I like to think of myself as tolerant, kind, non-judgemental. Hell, I've done and seen enough in my life to allow people the right to make their own choices. But these people, these people I want to kill. Seriously. Anyone who refers to themselves as 'class clown' but can't crack a joke, anyone who is determined to 'fight it out' with a teacher, anyone who insits on boring large groups of people by takling loudly about some dribble, these people make me angry. And proper angry.

I sit there and bitch and moan to anyone who will listen about how much they are annoying me. I make fun of them to their faces, but still they think I'm enjoying their company. I become a bad person.

So what's worse? Being arrogantly ignorant, or just being a bitch?

I know the answer, I just dont know how to help it.

God, they're annoying.

mid-20s crisis

This year is my high-school 10 year reunion, which means I'm old enough to be invited to a 10 year reunion. My facebook has subsequently been inundated with friend requests from my class of 2000 and its super exciting to see what they are all up to. (except now I think facebook has destroyed the concept of the 10 year reunion, we already know who's married, who's fat, who's successful)

Most of the time, I can convince myself I'm happy where I am in life. I decided not to follow the career path led to me by my initial degree, and am now back to full-time study and working in a pub. And it feels good, knowing I'm young and can keep deciding what my dream is, and it doesn't matter how much time it wastes.

But every now and again, I see someone has had another baby, or gorgeous wedding photos, or some amazing job overseas, and I wonder if I've made the right choice.

Why are decisions always perfect on their own, but qualified against others we question them?

One girl in my old class is married with five kids. Five! I think I'm grown up for adopting a dog. Is 30 really the new 20? Or am I deluding myself I can keep on wasting time and get a 'real' job later?

But its okay, really. I know I'm happy, thats the main thing. I love James, I love Shaun, my job, my school. And if I'd taken the 'real' job in the first place I'd never have gotten to find out what I really love, or who I really am.

Besides, if I was in Hollywood, I'd be 40 before I'd be expected to get married and have kids.

Maybe I'll move to LA. Or New York. That sounds grown up.

no pain = no gain. whose dumb idea was that?

James brought me a guitar for our anniversary. Best present ever. I've been a crap player my whole life and now have the means to get better. But to anyone who's played their first steel string before, you'll know what I mean when I say they bloody hurt! 

James told me not to worry, my fingers would toughen up and it wouldn't hurt anymore. And he was right, as usual. My fingers are already callousing. 

It got me thinking though, how much in life must we suffer through in the promise it'll stop hurting? 

There's the obvious one, break ups. You know it'll stop hurting eventually, but the mean time is a bitch. 

Headaches. Noones ever died from one (don't quote me on that, I'm totally just guessing for effect) but that time waiting for the panadol to kick in is shithouse. You've paid good money for pain relief, why the delay? 

Today Tonight. You know every day at 7pm it's over, yet it still hurts everytime you turn on channel 7 and it's playing. 

Rules of karma, Murphy's Law, unnecessary time in suffering. 

Whoever is responsible for this travesty needs a bullet. But they'd use it to shoot a kitten or something, most probably. 

Declaring war with McDonalds

Okay here's the back story:

1- Out with James for our one year (we made it!), caught a cab home, saw the shinning golden arches and thought why the hell not?
2- I've been a strict vegetarian for over two years.

LC- Hi, can I please order a small cheeseburger meal, without meat, and an apple pie?
MD- No meat?
LC- That's correct
•time passes•
MD- small cheeseburger, no pattie?
LC- Great! Is there an apple pie too?
MD- I forgot. That's an extra $2.40
LC- Wow, that's expensive! They used to be $1!
MD- They went up (no shit, Sherlock)
LC- Do I get my drink too?
MD- Oh yeah. (If sober, I would have been a bit more sus by this point. But I was hungry)

So eventually I joined James outside, ripped the burger in half and took one big jumbo bite, forgetting to chew and swallowed the baby. (If you've seen me eat drunk before I'm sure you're imagining this acurately.)

You can guess the rest. The premise was there from the beginning.

LC- So yeah, my cheeseburger had meat in it. I'm a vegetarian.
MD- Sorry about that. I'll get you another.
LC- Are you the manager?
MD nods
LC- Do you have any idea how big a deal this is?
MD- I understand, I'm a vegetarian too. Have a medium fries.

The next part of the story is pretty embarrassing, I'll skim over it but basically involved a lot of tears and trying to make myself vomit and failing.

Here's the point of all this.

1- If I was going to return to the meat, it would never come from McDonalds.
2- Those frozen processed offal beef patties taste like arsehole. Serously. Have a break for a few months and when you try one you'll never want one again.
3- I don't want free stuff from McDonalds (James' first idea).

So I need your advice. Do I sue them? Write an angry email? Storm their restaurants? Or admit no self respecting human should go there for food in the first place and cut my losses?

Sigh. Two years to waste it on a fucking cheeseburger. It's like ending Dry July on a goon bag. I feel so cheated.

my loss, my gain. a tale of optimism

After denying it for the last 36 hours, it's time to admit; I no longer have my mobile phone. I simply refused to me one of those people who exclaim 'somebody stole it!' but it's, sigh, looking more and more likely.

As I'm at a point in my life where I'm searching for the silver lining, I'm pleased to announce, my loss comes with a gain.

To quote my friend Steve, when I was furiously hunting for it during our housewarming party on Friday night: 'but you don't even like it'.

Which is true. It's a piece of crap and I regretted not buying an iPhone 17 months ago, 16 1/2 months ago. Alas, I'm a woman of my contract (slash student, who can't afford to break it), so I have held on to my 'piece of crap', and mildly lusted after an iPhone at every available moment.

It's not even the first time my phone went 'missing'. In fact, last time I was so pleased that I could finally be financially irresponsible enough to add to my monthly expenses. And mildly disappointed when Steve had it in his pocket.

One of the men I work with refused to get an iPhone, simply because it was made by Apple. Now if you know me, you'd know brands don't mean a thing to me. So it goes both ways. I wont buy something just because it's a brand, so I wont not buy something just because it's a brand. And iPhones are fabulous.

So forgive me if i've been ignoring you, someone stole my phone.

And if it just happened to fall in your handbag, no hard feelings. I'm finally getting an iPhone.

And just when they've dropped the price. You bloody rippa.




PS I have yet received no money from Apple for this blog. But I'll print it off and take it in with me to the shop tomorrow. Wish me luck